Wednesday, July 23, 2008

such a tiny word, such a huge impact....

Sample Employment Contract

Want an empowering way to take care of yourself? Would you like something that commands respect, staves off intimidation, enables time for your passions, makes resentment disappear, nurtures your self-worth, your body, your time, your health, your life and your soul?

It is the word “no”. Inside this tiny little word lay a million possibilities.

When I use this word too little something remarkable happens. I enter a cycle of self-destruction. See if you recognize this cycle: First I will agree to something that takes away from my time, my peace of mind, my money or my health, then I realize, by doing the agreed upon task, that I have put myself in jeopardy. Then I resent the person or people involved, usually the one who asked in the first place. Then I engage in some form of self-destructive behaviour because I am not really mad at them at all. I am really mad at me, and instead of facing that fact, I act it out. While I am acting, my ego is having a field day telling me how wrong they are and how they should be able to see what I need without me telling them and that they are inconsiderate and that I would never do that to them….sounds like a whiny, crying, baby, victim doesn’t it?

Because it is.

We teach people how to treat us and every time we say ‘yes’ when we really mean ‘no’ we teach them that their time, energy, talent, peace of mind etc, is more important than ours. When my actions and thoughts are out of alignment with my spirit I feel bad. And living with the consequences of too many yeses and not enough no’s definitely feels bad.

Now, the good news. Yesterday when I was knee deep in that cycle I saw it. As I searched for something unhealthy to eat, I found instead the insight to see what I had created. The cravings went away, the inner anger started to dissipate and I remembered that my happiness depends on me, not on what anyone else does or doesn’t do, just me.



1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Alison, I was just reading through your post, and it surely struck a nerve for me. You were able to put into words what I have been feeling for so long. Actually, this week I had said "yes" to something that certainly should have been a "no", and, as you indicate, the cycle of self-destruction began. And, for me, guilt and low self esteem as well!

I absolutely LOVE your explanation about how we teach them that their time, energy, talent, peace of mind etc., is more important than ours. Had never looked at it this way before. It has almost become a way of life for me ..... saying "yes" to whatever (when I really mean "no"), and then beating myself up for days and weeks afterwards! My ego has been having a field day for a very long time! I now have a flicker of hope that I may be able to actually say "no". What possibilities it would open up!
Thank you so much Alison for letting me see that change may be possible!