Saturday, November 22, 2008

weeeeeeeeeeee

I have described myself lately as feeling like I have been flung by the arm like a Raggedy Anne doll into the air and have yet to land. And I think this is a good feeling. Uncomfortable.
I feel as though I have let go of another aspect of my inner victim that has been holding me back and the feeling of being pregnant with possibility ( and definitely nothing else!) is foreign ground.
I had carefully constructed a life that supported being a victim. It was easier, or so I thought. It was easy to be comfortable, to have something to complain about, to covertly or even overtly elicit sympathy and to believe that there is nothing I can do about it.
It was easy, but it was gross too. It was destructive, stressful, chaotic, and lonely. It created the perfect environment for self-loathing, self-judgment, and self-pity. But….it was easy.
This uncomfortable feeling is not easy. But it is exhilarating, fulfilling, inspiring, delicious, and adventurous. It is not boring; it is a constant reminder that I am alive, that I have options, that I am capable, confident and worthy.
That I am on the right track……..yippppeeee! I think……
Love ya,
Alison
p.s. if you see me sailing over head, wave.

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